It’s not that I’m not thinking of 

Or don’t care what’s happening in your life.

I’m sorry if you’re going through some 

Tough stuff right now,

I wish I was one of those there for you

Helping you through.

I think about you all the time

In moments when I don’t have my phone

In my hand,

A few lines run through my head

Of what I want to ask you

And how I’ll explain why I haven’t been in touch.

The truth is, there aren’t enough hours in the day

To keep in touch with all the wonderful people I’ve met along the way.

Even the ones I love the most,

Who’ve been there for me when it mattered

Mostly

Because I have been very lucky in life and there are so many.

I wonder what’s going on with you in work now. 

Any romance?

How are your family all keeping? Is everyone well? How have you held up through the pandemic? 

I want to hear your laugh. I really do.

And I’d like the chance for a really deep and honest conversation where we can skip past all the formalities and get to what really matters in each of our lives right now.

What’s breaking or aching or making our hearts feel full right now.

But the truth is there aren’t enough hours in the day 

And I want to be in the room with the people I am physically in the room with.

I want to see and hear them

And when there’s no one in the room, 

I want to be alone and have that time to myself.

I need it.

So I’ll have to keep writing messages to you in my head for now

And I carry a lot of guilt and shame around with me because of that.

Please know that I think of you and I care,

And I’m sorry I’m not there.

This new, always contactable world we live in 

Has created an expectation 

That we should always be contacting, 

But we can’t hold on to everything – and everyone – from the past daily

Because there’s too much of today to engage with

And I don’t want to miss it.

I want to make the most of it

But I’m thinking of you as I do.